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Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man than a woman?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
If a man and a woman fell off a 10 story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman... the man would get lost.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better...
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
If men got pregnant... Psychiatric services and serious pain killers would be available at all convenience stores and drive through windows.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He got it bronzed.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable".
Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
What does a man consider quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying "Great chili, baby!"
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman, to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crisis?
They're stuck in adolescence.
How does a man plan for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year the dog is still excited to see you.
How do you get a man to exercise?
Tie the remote control to his shoe laces.
Why are dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
What's the difference in an intelligent man and a U.F.O.?
Don't know, never seen either one.
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
Because, even back then men wouldn't stop for directions.
How do men define Roe vs Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
Why are men like laxatives?
Because they irritate the sh*t out of you.
ZEN -
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman there to hear him
Is he still wrong?